What a great way to round out the night. I had planned on going out dancing tonight but instead opted not to make the trek to Chapel Hill so I could research an article I'm working on. I made some progress on that and then got tired so I went and tried to DJ a little before bed but ran into a bug. Unfortunately this wasn't the type of bug I could let Mr. Wyatt try to bite out of the air, no this was a software bug, for I am a brave enough soul to try and DJ with a computer. Not just any computer though, I am so brave that I run my computer with constantly changing and updating open source software. From one day to the next, I never run the same code, because that would be boring, because nothing is more exciting than getting ready to mix and play music than searching through log files and bug reports at 11:30pm on a Friday night trying to figure out why your sound is dying, ah yes, the life of open source. So after finding the relevant bug report  and adding my own experience and log files I came back to Facebook to see what other exciting events my friends had to report..
Apparently all my friends are too busy living exciting lives in open source too because no one was posting boring stuff about dancing, or DJing, or any sort of tom-follery or shenanigans. They too must have been busy searching their logs or bug reports for the cause of the latest change in behavior affecting major functionality of their computers. We do have it made.
However, I did find my close Facebook friend "The Greater Good Science Center" posting a Discover article entitled "Grandma's Experiences Leave a Mark on Your Genes." Now this is something I can get behind. Nothing like a little genetics mixed with psychology at 12am to get the blood pumping again. Who needs open source anyway?
It reminded me of the thread that came out of one of my many posts about why I think George Zimmerman acted out of racism (Implicit Bias): In one of the threads someone posted a story about two young African American boys who shot a baby. That person was comparing it to the Trayvon Martin tragedy and saying "Where is the outrage?" My response was that this was not similar to the Trayvon Martin tragedy at all because this (based on the article) looked like two people who had run out of resources and were using violence to get what they needed. Someone asked me if I was condoning what they did. No, I was describing their motive to show how different it was compared to George Zimmerman's. "What the hell does this have to do with that article he referenced earlier?" You might be thinking that.. I don't know, I can't remember, just kidding. I'm getting there.
Oh, yeah so I was arguing that these kids, like all people that resort to violence are acting out of fear due to feeling unloved, that in our case has been enacted out by systemically disenfranchising certain people. We remove love, remove resources and then people get scared because they have nothing and they do what people do when they get scared, they get violent. So the response from a few people was that, "no, some people are born bad, some people are just bad." My response was that while I don't doubt there are people that may have bad behavior from birth through death that that behavior could be transferred from an unloved mother through to her child and here in this article is essentially scientific proof of the possibility of that.
I only read the first page and a quarter of the three page article because like I said, I was tired an hour ago and just wanted to DJ a little before bed, but one sweet software bug later and a little Facebook perusing and here we are having way more fun with racism, genetics and psychology. Anyway the article seemed to say that something (methyl?) which affects the way DNA gets built can be transferred through to children (where it then affects the way the child's DNA is built) and this thing can be affected by not only diet and other physical things but also by traumatic experiences. Essentially if a mother is traumatized that pain can be transferred through to her children.
Back to the facebook thread, I argued that we are all connected, and every day science gets a little bit closer to realizing what mystics and spiritual cultures have known for centuries. I argued something that science probably can't validate now, and said that even "random bad people" (where maybe their mother was healty) are just indications of the unlovingness with which we treat ourselves. If we believe some people are just born bad and we look around and we see people acting violently we will see it as simple as that. Unfortunately the more we ignore the problem of systemic disenfranchisement and just general unlovingness the more we create a situation where people act out their fears through violence, so the more violence we see the more strong our belief in "born bad people" becomes. What a great perspective to have of ourselves.. Anyway right about now is the time where I conclude with something inspirational and goading towards a more meaningful life so here you go:
We are all connected and you can either accept it now and open up to the beautiful and empowering possibilities of what that entails or you can wait until science makes you comfortable enough to open up to it, either way we're all going to have to open up to love and our connectedness eventually for it's the only way out of all our problems.
1) Red Hat Bugzilla # 975158
Today I went to my first men's group where I heard two men describe separate but similar stories of ambivalence towards making the right choice. In one man's story I recognized a theme of feeling bad for his consideration of the wrong choices. In another man's story I heard his own knowingness of the right choice. Technically these stories started out as requests for advice, but to me, and this I told them, to me, the actual dialog felt more like a mirroring back of what they already knew: that they were not bad, but good and capable and worthy of making the right choices.
In my own request for advice I was overwhelmed with thoughts and ideas I wanted help with. I told them as much and eventually a central "problem" was understood. I was told that this problem was common to most men and not at all unique. In my complaining about the problem and explanation of all of the work I had done related to it, I expressed doubt as to the fairness or value of said work. Afterwards one man said I should be "honored" for the work I had done. This was incredibly validating.
In the same way that the other men's queries for help turned to requests for mirroring of their worthiness based in their ability to make the right and obvious choice my complaint of the unfairness of the work I had done turned into a request for mirroring of the worthiness of myself for what I had already done. Afterwards we all hugged and I felt a subtle but noticeable sense of warmth and goodness in my chest on down through to my stomach.
I drove home. Along the way I picked up an oreo milk shake at Cookout as a reward for myself. After arriving I sat down with my Dog Wyatt, sharing my attention between him and the milk shake, but never sharing it with him. Eventually I ate it hole and fell asleep watching Carl Sagan's Cosmos. Through the first half for which I was awake and the conclusion for which I woke up just in time to hear, I understood a theme. The cleverness to connect it to the theme of this story evades me but upon awakening I can report that while the warm feeling in my chest was gone there was still a feeling in my stomach although it was not the same at all as the feeling before.
If you truthfully commit yourself to someone they will be empowered to love to a greater degree than they otherwise would. You don't even have to commit to loving everything about them or every moment with them, but the commitment to never give up and grow and work together instills confidence in them to love you even when they think it's dangerous, because they know in the long run you'll always love them. With their knowledge that you will ultimately forgive them no matter what, they will allow themselves to be vulnerable knowing that you won't judge them. For, they must be vulnerable in order to love because unconditional love mistakenly seem dangerous. One way that love can seem dangerous is if they believe loving you when you're doing something hurtful tells you it's acceptable and that it encourages it. The truth is that loving someone when they're doing something hurtful is forgiveness which tells them that you *know* they are better than that. Your forgiveness gives them permission to be better. They didn't think they were that beautiful but now your unconditional love shows them that they are. Then they love you back.